Thoughts of the Week.

Any of you that read my blog posts regularly or managed to get my paper this week to open to workshop it have a decent but limited view of what’s going on in my life currently. I’m not an open person by nature so can tell you that the only reason you’re all getting this much of a view into what is going on in my world is due to the anonymity of being able to just put my thoughts out there without actually interacting socially with everyone as you learn about them. No, life isn’t easy at this moment, to be honest as many of you might have guessed much of life hasn’t been easy for years. Everything in life is a result of decisions whether they’re good or bad ones that I’ve made or had made for me over the years.

            Some of the bigger decisions that have impacted my life would have to be: (and in no particular order) the decision to keep my daughter (I got pregnant at 16 and was 17 when she was born) the decision to get married a week after I graduated High School, the decision to drop out halfway through my first semester of college, the decision to go to nursing school, both the first time for my Associate’s degree and now for my Bachelor’s degree, the decision to be a Nurse at a Girl Scout Camp for years, the decision to be a School Nurse, the decision to go work in the Intensive Care Unit at Freeman in Joplin. These are all big decisions in my life. There have also been many tiny ones that have shaped where my life has gone over the years and influenced not only the things I’m going through today, but who I am as a person.

            I’ve spent many, many hours in thought in my life. Most recently contemplating where I am and where I go from here as well as who I am as a person and how I got to be who I am today. Where I am is a result of all of these decisions and experiences in my life. Do I wish things weren’t as hard as they are now? Yes. But I honestly cannot see much of anything that could have been done or happened any differently that would still make me who I am today. I couldn’t imagine not knowing my daughter, so I can never wish I hadn’t had her or hadn’t kept her. All of the other things I listed up there plus the millions of others I didn’t were experiences that shaped me into who I am today. What I have come to realize as I’ve thought is that I like who I am. I have goals in life, I’m a good Mom (I don’t always make the best/most right decisions, but I love my kids and I truly try), I’m strong, some people tell me I’m smart (sometimes I feel so very dumb though) and I know that if I take life one day at a time I can take what has already happened in my life, what is going on now & my future experiences and shape them into an awesome future. I’ve just got to hold on, I think it might be a wild ride!!!

            So thank you all for listening to my rants, I’m nowhere near finished J